My writings and artwork are being added here as Kali finds time.
You are filled with anguish
For the suffering of others.
And no one's grief
Has ever passed you by.
You are relentless
Only toward yourself,
Forever cold and pitiless.
But if only you could look upon
Your own sadness from a distance,
Just once with a loving soul -
Oh, how you would pity yourself,
How sadly you would weep.
To my Beloved Mama - Olga, April 1917.
[Prayers written on papers found in a book of mine at Ipatiev House: ]
IN FRONT OF THE ICON OF THE VIRGIN, MOTHER OF GODQueen of the sky and earth, consolation of the afflicted, listen to the prayer of sinners, you are the hope and the salvation.
We are bogged down in the filth of passion, we err in the gloom of vice. But...our Father! O, turn toward her gaze which sees all.
The Holy Russia, your luminous dwelling is in peril of perishing. We invoke you, Protecterice, we know nothing but you.
Do not abandon your children, spirit of the afflicted. Do not divert your gaze from our grief and our martyrdom.
PRAYERSend us the patience, Father, to support us in this year of dark days and tempests, these persecutions of the people and these tortures of our executioners.
Give us the strength, O just God, to pardon the wickedness of our neighbors, and to carry the heavy bloody cross with your humility.
And in these riotious days, when our enemies strip us, help us, Saviour God, to suffer the shame and the insults.
Master of the world, bless us with your prayer and give the peace to our soul appeased at this terrible hour and unbearable.
And at the gates of the tomb, make us born again with the lips of your slaves the superhuman force of humble prayer for our enemies.
A Painting by Me.
The following segment contains some of my letters and diary entries...
A note written by me to Valentina Ivanovna Chebotaryova in 1917.
To Tsar Nicholas II (Papa!), 16 August 1904
Today there is a strong rain and we are sitting at
home. Maria went to sleep in the afternoon, and
Anastasia crept under the mattress and slept there
with Maria on top of her.
When she got up we all laughed, and so did she. We are
all waiting for you to return here. Is the weather
good where you are?
I have not seen Mama and our brother, I hope I will
see them this evening before bath time. I send you a
big kiss dear papa.
To Alexandra Feodorovna (Mama!), 4 December 1908
With all my heart I thank you sweetest Mama dear for
your dear little note and kiss you tenderly for it and
will never through it away from me. I will trie to do
what you wrote to me in the little note. So sorry that
never see you alone Mama dear, can not talk so should
trie to write to you what could of course better say,
but what is to be done if there is no time, and
neighter can I hear the dear words which sweet Mama
could tell me. Good-bye.
God bless you. Kisses from your own very devoted
To Alexandra Feodorovna (Mama!), 12 January 1909
My sweety darling Mama,
I am going to write you a letter because you wrote one
and such a kind one to me. Shall try to do all you
wrote to me. It is sometimes not a bit easy with Mary,
because she is with out any reason angry and gets
cross for nothing.
Mama dear it helps me very much when you write to me
what to do, and then I try to do it is better as I
A loving kiss from your ever true and very loving
God bless you and your whole life
To Cousin Louise of Battenberg, 2 December 1910
2/12 December 1910
My dear Louise,
Did you get my last letter? I am quite lazy to write
letters as I have not much time. We are working on
Christmas presents and they must soon be ready for
Germany. Shall I send you a box with our bonbons?
The weather is disgusting. It thaws and is very foggy
and very wet.
We are doing nothing particular to interest you. I
generally get up early to prepare my lessons for the
next day. To-day I did it too.
We have got a beautiful hill in the garden on which we
fly down in little sledges which is awful fun. Sophie
Ivanovina [Tiutcheva, our former governess] is
very afraid when we go down in them.
Forgive me please for writing so badly. I hurry very
much but want to write more and can not as I have not
a moment free. Please give my love to your Mama,
Dickie and Nona. Where is Georgie? and where will he
be for Xmas, and your Papa? I should say with you.
I must stop, sending you tender kisses, dear Louise, I
remain your very loving cousin
To Cousin Louise of Battenberg, 8 February 1911
Tsarskoe Selo 1911
At last I am allowed to write. The chicken pox was too
horrid. Three days I lay in bed as I had fever.
Yesterday we all went out for the first time. The
weather is divine, sunny but cold. The whole January
was very cold.
How is Dickie? Poor boy, Mama said he was so ill.
We all had chicken pox except Marie who had only
influenza. Now the poor little girl, Xenia, of Aunt
Minnie's [Princess Marie of Greece], is so very ill.
She had the chicken pox too and now has peretonis;
don't know how to spell this word, and something with
the heart. She is very bad poor child, and the doctors
have little hope as also she is delicate and nervous.
Mama has gone for the first time to town to Amama and
specially she goes to see poor Aunt Minnie who is in
an awful state.
Everybody is ill this winter and there is a lot of
chicken pox in town.
Papa goes often to town to the theatre, to the opera
and French theatre.
Did you get my last letter in the beginning of
January? I think after the sixth when I was in the
Now good-bye, dear Louise. Many kisses to you all,
from your very loving cousin,
Diary Entry from 1911:
29 March/11 April:
Had lunch with Papa and Mama. In the afternoon,
went to review new recruites of the Guards Corps
and another company. The review was terribly good.
Had tea with S[ophia] I[vanovna Tiutcheva, our former governess].
After tea talked on the phone to Nik[olai] P[avlovich Sablin]
and P.A. Voron[ov - a friend of mine with whom I had a flirtation].
Had dinner with Mama and Ania [Virubova]. Went to church.
Papa had dinner with the hussars.
To Cousin Louise, Princess of Battenberg, 16 July 1911.
12 o'clock in the night
16 July 1911
My dearest Louise,
So many thanks for dear letter. How sad to leave soon
our beloved Standart but we will see her soon if all
is right in the Crimea which we are looking foward to
since I don't know how long.
My english spelling and writing is not splendid but as
it is very late and I am terribly sleepy I can't help
Thousands of fishes are near the yacht. The weather is
divine at last, so warm and nice and sunny.
I got two letters from Margarita and Dolla who are
very pleased with their new little baby sister.
How nice if Arthur will come to us. When are you going
to Jugenheim and Wolfsgarten this year?
My little cabin is so sweet. Tatiana's is the one next
door though between our cabins is the bathroom and
I must stop now. Give my love to your parents. Georgie
and Dickie and Nona [Kerr, lady-in-waiting to my Aunt Victoria,
who was Louise's mother], and with a big hug and kiss to
yourself, dear Louise,
I am your own very sleepy cousin
1911 Diary Entry:
At 10 o'clock drove with Papa, T[atiana] and Al[exei] to Krasnoe Selo
for the parade of the Moscow regiment. There was a service and
the parade. In the afternoon we walked in the garden. After that
there was nothing much. After dinner worked in Mama's room.
1911, Autumn [?] Standart Cruise
[To my grandmother, Dowager Empress Maria Feodorovna]
I am sitting on the quarter deck, the sun is lovely and hot.
This morning Maria and I bathed for the first time.
The weather has been wonderful. It is still very hot in the afternoon,
especially in my cabin, which is on the sunny side.
In the afternoon, we were on the island.
Papa played, while Anastasia and I sat on the shore
and warmed ourselves in the sun.
1911 Diary Entry
8 November 1911
A deputation from my regiment was here.
Papa presented the whole regiment with the white Hussar's
pelisse [cloak-like coat] which they used to have.
A long time ago, when the regiment became a dragoon regiment,
the pelisse was taken away.
Then, when they became hussars again,
the uniform was returned to them but not the pelisse.
So there was great joy in the regiment.
To Alexandra Feodorovna (Mama!), 3 April 1912, Livadia.
Precious Mama, God bless you and help you not to be
too sad. It is awful to be on our beloved yacht
without its 'sunshine' who we will miss frightfully. I
should so much prefer to remain here with you than
being on board without you. May He make you well again
and then everything will be all right . It must be
very hard for you too, sweet love, but God will reward
you for your sorrow. Good night. All prayers and
thoughts remain with you. Good night. I kiss you
lovingly and remain your ever very true loving
To Cousin Louise, 22 October 1914
22 October/4 November 1914
How are you? The whole morning we are occupied in the
hospital. I like it very much and when we are free we
knit stockings for our wounded who leave for the war
It was so awfully sad to hear of poor Maurice's death!
[Prince Maurice of Battenberg, son of Princess
Beatrice] Did he die there or one brought him to
England? How is poor Aunt Beatrice? I am at the head
of a committee for the refugees and have presided two
sittings. I felt very grand but wanted to dive under
the table from fright as I have got a very stiff and
pompous gentleman who is under me ([Olga:] I
hope you understand what she means) and makes me very
shy always. Do write to me dear if you can once. I
would like to know so much what you do. I have a
stomachache. . . [Tatiana]
. . . and could not finish her letter. We just got
good news from our army. Where is Minny [Cochrane, one
of Princess Beatrice's ladies-in-waiting] living and
what is she doing? I hope Dickie [Louise's youngest
brother] is all right at Osborne. Many kisses, Louise
Olga and Tatiana
To Alexandra Feodorovna (Mama!), 13 November, 1915
I kiss you my sweet Angel and pray for you. Sleep well
& God bless and keep you for all who love you.
Yr ever own girl, Olga
13 Nov, 1915. Ts.S.
To Father Grigory Rasputin, undated
My dear precious friend,
It is very sad that it is so long since I have seen
you. I am longing for you and often think of you.
Where are you going to spend the Christmas holidays?
Please write to me. I am always so happy when I get a
letter from you.
Do you remember what you said to me about that
Nikolai? Ah, if you knew how difficult it is for me to
follow your advice. Please forgive my weakness, my
good friend. God grant that Mama will be better this
winter, or I shall be very sad.
I am very glad to be able to see Father Feofan from
time to time. Not long ago I met him in the new
Cathedral at Yalta. Our little private chapel is very
pretty. Au revoir, my dear, precious friend, it is
time for me to go to tea. Pray for your true and
1916 Diary Entry
Friday 20 October 1916
[Of nursing duties...]
With mama to Znamenie church and the infirmary.
Went straight away to give out medicines then wrote, made the beds...
This evening, the four of us went to the infirmary.
Ensign Petrov of the 44th Valtaisk regiment came in yesterday,
wounded in the stomach and chest.
Called in to see all of them...
Easter card to Tsar Nicholas II (Papa!), 2 April 1917
Christ has Risen! My golden precious Papa. God grant
you a serene and happy celebration of this luminous
holdiay. I kiss you awfully fondly, my dear Papa.
To Pyotr Petrov, 19 June 1917
Dear old P. V. P.,
Thank you very much for your letter. How glad I am
that you are finally well, and once again in Tsarskoe.
After foul Petrograd, of course, the air here will
bring you health and quickly replenish your strength.
You probably heard from Zhilik about how we spend our
days. We walk every day from 2 to 5. We work in the
garden. If it isn't too stifling, Mama also comes out
and lies on a couch under a tree by the water. Papa
walks (with many others) to the outer reaches of the
garden, where they chop and saw dry trees. Aleksei
plays on the "children's island," runs barefoot, and
sometimes swims. Never unbending her back, Trina
[Catherine Schneider] weeds and waters the flower
beds. Sometimes we also do the watering, including the roses
that we planted nearby, opposite Grandmother's windows. Studies are
taking their own course. Maria and I study English
together. She reads to me aloud and, if it's not too hot, takes
dictation. She and I study history two times a week.
Russian history according to Nechvolodov's book. He
describes everything really well and in detail. Right
now, we've stopped on the folk heroes (epics). Two
times a week, Anastasia and I read about the history
of the Middle Ages according to Konst. Amn.'s texbook.
Though that's a lot harder, since my memory for all
these events is atrocious, but hers is no better. I
divided up my own hours (the free ones) for reading
(boring things), history of art, French hist., general
hist., and Russian lit. according to Galakhov. There!
I think that's all. Mama sends you regards, happy that
you are better and so forth. Everyone sends greetings.
All the best to you,
Your pupil No. 1 O. N.
To Olga Alexandrovna, 21 June 1917
21 June 1917
My darling, dear Godmother,
Am terribly touched by your sweet letter and heartfelt
words. I wanted to have a heart-to-heart talk with you
when you were with us in Kiev, but there wasn't the
Poor Mama is terribly bored; can't at all get used to
the new life and the circumstances here, although on
the whole we can all be grateful that we will be
together and in the Crimea. So horribly sad to think
about our dear nieces and their parents and about our
homeland. Little Dolls!! Now it's doubly hard for you,
my darling Aunt Olga. May God preserve you.
A kiss to you and Mitia. Love you sincerely and with
all my heart.
Your loving Goddaughter,
To Pyotr Petrov, 10 October 1917
Your long letter reminded me that I have not once
written to You, dear old Pyotr Vasilievich, for which
We were very glad to learn that You are better. I hope
it will stay that way. All is well with us; everyone
is in good health. The weather is good.
Today it is sunny and thawing, while for the first few
days of October it was almost hot, it changes so
quickly. My brother and sisters have started lessons.
I am writing to you in the big hall, where the four of
us have tea together. Our brother [Aleksei] is playing
with his soldiers at a separate table. M[aria] and
A[nastasia] are reading at the window, Mama and
Tatiana are playing at something, Papa is reading
nearby. They all send their greetings, as do I. All my
best wishes. We often remember with Zhilik how we used
to torment poor old P.V.P. during lessons, and so many
Your pupil Nr. 1 Olga
Papa sends you his best regards.
To Pyotr Petrov, 23 November 1917
I thank You dear old Pyotr Vasilievich for your
letter, which I received today, a month after You sent
it. It arrived in Tobolsk on 31st 0ct (I saw it from
the stamp) and I can't understand what it was doing
until now. I have nothing of interest to tell you, as
our life is quiet and monotonous. On Sundays we go to
church at 8.30 in the morning, while vespers are held
in the hall. The choir are amateurs, their voices
aren't bad, only they sing in a concert style, which I
can't abide, although many people admire it. They
warned us so much about the harsh climate here, yet
winter has still not settled in completely. One day
there is a frost and a slight wind, the next it's two
degrees and everything is thawing and unbelievably
slippery. The sunrises are always very clear and
beautiful, despite the overcast days. The Irtysh is
long since frozen over. I think that is all the news.
We were intending to build a snow mountain, but there
is still very little snow.
Papa usually saws and stacks firewood, while Mama goes
out when it is not too cold, otherwise it's difficult
for her to breathe. Joy, Ortino and Jimmy [dogs] are
flourishing. We have to spend the whole day chasing
the first two out of the yard, where they have a
wonderful time in the rubbish tip and eat all sorts of
Well, it's time to end. Everyone here sends their best
regards and wishes you good health. How is [your]
father? All my best wishes.
Pupil Nr. 1 Olga
To Ania Virubova, 10 December 1917
My darling, what joy it was to see your dear
handwriting, and all the little things. Thanks awfully
for all. Your perfumes reminded us so of you, your
cabin on board, etc. It was very sad. I remember you
often, kiss and love you. We four live in the corner
blue room, arranged all quite cozily. Opposite to us
in the little room is Papa's dressing room and
Alexei's, then comes his room with Nagori. The brown
room is Papa's and Mamma's bedroom. Then the sitting
room, big hall, and beyond Papa's study. When there
are big frosts it is very cold, and draughts blow from
all the windows. We were today in church. Well, I wish
you a peaceful and sunny Christmas. God bless you,
darling. I kiss you over and over again.
Ever your own Olga.
To Ania Virubova, 12 January 1918
Dearest, we were so glad to hear from you. How cold it
is these days, and what a strong wind. We have just
come back from a walk. On our window it is written -
"Anna darling - " I wonder who wrote it. God bless
you, dear. Be well.
Give my love to all who remember me.
To Ania Virubova, February 1918
We all congratulate you tenderly with the coming
Easter, and wish you to spend it as peacefully as
anyone can now. I always think of you when they sing
during mass the prayer we used to sing together on the
yacht. I kiss you.
To Ania Virubova, February 1918
Darling, with all my loving heart I am with you these
hard days for you. God help and comfort you, my
darling. On Mamma's table stands the mauve bottle you
sent her and which reminds us so much of you. There is
much sun, but great frosts also and winds, and very
cold in the rooms, especially in our corner room,
where we live as before. All are well, and we walk
much in the yard. There are many churches around here,
so we are always hearing bells ringing. God bless you,
darling. How sad your brother and sister are not with
Your own OLGA.
To Ania Virubova, May 1918
Darling, I take the first opportunity to write you the
latest news we have had from ours in Ekaterinburg
[where her parents and Maria Nikolaievna had already gone].
They wrote on the 23rd of April that the journey over
the rough roads was terrible, but that in spite of
great weariness they are well. They live in three
rooms and eat the same food as the soldiers. The
little one is better but is still in bed. As soon as
he is well enough to be moved we shall join them. We
have had letters from Zina but none from Lili [Dehn, family
friends]. Have Alya [Ania's sister] and your brother
written? The weather has become milder, the ice is out
of the river Irtysh, but nothing is green yet.
Darling, you must know how dreadful it all is. We kiss
and embrace you. God bless YOU.