I was born at The Farm at Alexandria Park, Peterhof, on May 29, 1897 (Old Style). I was a decent-sized baby, apparently...

" The second bright happy day in our family: at 10:40 in the morning the Lord blessed us with a daughter - Tatiana. Poor Alix suffered all night without shutting her eyes for a moment, and at 8 o'clock went downstairs to Amama's [Dowager Empress] bedroom. Thank God this time it all went quickly and safely, and I did not feel nervously exhausted. Towards one o'clock the little one was bathed and Yanyshev read some prayers. Mama arrived with Xenia; we lunched together. At 4 o'clock there was a Te Deum. Tatiana weighs 83/4 pounds and is 54 centimetres long. Our eldest is very funny with her. Read and wrote telegrams.."

~ Tsar Nikolai II's Diary, May 29

"The little one is such a darling, and looks just like her mother! Her mouth is tiny and very beautiful."

~ Grand Duchess Xenia Alexandrovna's Diary, June 3

I have a very long official title, don't I? Don't worry about using it - My family and friends call me Tatiana Nikolaievna, or Tanya.

"Their rank meant very little to them, and they felt ill at ease when they were treated ceremoniously. Once at a committee I had to address "my President," the Grand Duchess Tatiana, officially, and naturally began, 'May it please Your Imperial Highness.' She looked at me with astonishment, and when I sat down again beside her 1 was rewarded by a violent kick under the table and a whispered 'Are you crazy to speak to me like that ?' In common with all the Household, I called the Emperor's daughters, in the Russian fashion, by their names and patronymic, and she thought it quite absurdly formal for me to have given her her full title! I had to appeal to the Empress to persuade her that on official occasions it was really necessary."

~ Baroness Sophie Buxhoeveden

My parents named me Tatiana, so that my sister Olga and I could be like the sisters Olga and Tatiana Larina in Aleksandr Pushkin's Evgeny Onegin (only difference is, Tatiana in the novel-poem was older). Speaking of my family, let me tell you a bit about them! My Papa you know already - the kindest father that ever lived! My Mama is Tsarina Aleksandra Feodorovna, a truly good and wonderful woman. I have three very special sisters. There's Olga Nikolaievna, the oldest and my best friend. Together, we're known as "The Big Pair." We share a bedroom at the Alexander Palace (and pretty much everywhere else, too), and being less than two years apart in age, are very close. Our younger sisters are Maria - Mashka! - and Anastasia Nikolaievna. They are, as you might have guessed, "The Little Pair." We also have a special younger brother named Alexei. He is our baby! While we girls each have our own personalities, we're virtually inseparable. We give gifts and send letters as a single unit quite often, signing ourselves "OTMA." Additionally, we would always share our things with eachother, and with our friends.

"On one occasion they thought my dress needed a parure of rubies to complete it. I said I had none, and that my pearls would have to do. Tatiana Nikolaievna rushed off, and appeared with some brooches of hers which she wanted me to wear. I naturally refused, to her great astonishment. 'We sisters always borrow from each other,' she said, 'when we think the jewels of the one will suit the dress of the other.'"

~ Sophie Buxhoeveden

Olga is the bookworm and intellectual of the sisters, being very clever. Mashka is the angel of the group, very beautiful and kind, not to mention boy-crazy. Anastasia - Nastanka - is our Shvibzik, or Imp. She's very funny, and quite a good artist. As for me, I enjoy sewing, embroidery, and other needlecrafts, in addition to reading exciting novels and fashion magazines. I love clothes and perfumes, and enjoy dressing up. I am a good pianist, though some might call my technique "dry" or "academic."

I have a little French Bulldog named Ortino, who was given to me in 1914 by my friend Dmitri Malama, an officer we nursed at our hospital during the war. Such a cute doggy! My mother, while perhaps not immediately thrilled with the unplanned arrival of my pet, apparently thought very highly of Dmitri. "...a perfect son in law he wld. have been," she once wrote. "...why are foreign Pces. not as nice!"

We all patronized a military regiment, mine being the Uhlan Lancers:

The 8th Cavalry Division/8-ya Kavaleriiskaya Diviziya.
8th Army Corps. Headquarters, Kishinev.
1st Brigade. Headquarters, Tiraspol:
8th HER IMPERIAL HIGHNESS GRAND DUCHESS TATIANA NIKOLAIEVNA'S Voznesensk Lancer Regiment.

I'm called "The Governess" of my siblings because I seem to take charge of them all the time. I like to take care of things, that's for sure, and have the least problem relating to my mother when things get tense. Honestly, my intent is to make things as right as possible for those I love. Miss Eager, our nanny in the early years, once wrote...

One of the under-nurses was married last year. She had come to the palace straight from her school, at seventeen years of age and was there for nearly seven years. She was naturally very much attached to the children, and when her last day came was in floods of tears all through the day, and the children were terribly distressed to see her in such grief. The little Grand Duchess Tatiana told her she could stay on if she liked, she knew we all loved her and would be sorry to part form her; and then she came running to me to beg me not to send dear Telga away. I answered that she might stay if she liked, but that she had promised to marry Vladislav; it was her own wish, and I did not think she would like to break her word.

The other girls gave a little party to celebrate her leaving us, and the young man was amongst the guests. When the girl heard that he had arrived her grief broke forth again. She realized that the time of parting had come, and the children cried most bitterly. Little Tatiana Nikolaievna took a sheet of paper and a pencil, and wrote with great difficulty a letter which I translate: "Vladislav, Be good with Telga. ~Tatiana." She placed this letter in an envelope, Vladislav, and sent it to him by the housemaid. I went in later to speak to the man and wish him happiness. He pulled this letter out of his pocket, and with tears in his eyes begged me to thank the little Grand Duchesses, and assure her that he would never forget to be good with Telga. All the more, because it was Tatiana Nikolaievna's wish.

In addition to my efforts to be a good friend, sister, and daughter, I try to fulfill to the best of my abilities my official role as a Grand Duchess. I take to my duties very well, and appear to all as the epitome of a royal. I am sometimes called "the people's favorite," though no one ever took an official poll. Anya Virubova writes:

"Of all the Grand Duchesses Tatiana was with the people the most popular, and I suspect in their hearts she was the most dearly loved of her parents. Of all the girls Tatiana was most social in her tastes. She liked society and she longed pathetically for friends. But friends for these high born but unfortunate girls were very difficult to find."

I most definitely would have enjoyed having more friends, attending more balls, and the like, but it just wasn't to be.

She was sociable, and friends would have been welcome, but no young girls were ever asked to the Palace. The Empress thought that the four sisters should be able to entertain one another.

~ Sophie Buxhoeveden

Although I shine in formal situations, too much formality is...too much! Perhaps that was why I was liked - I enjoy a little ceremony and sometimes tend to seriousness, but make myself approachable with my good sense of humor and sensitivity. My sisters - especially Olga - are considerably less interested in formality or the limelight, though their interest in others is just as strong as mine.

Out of a sense of duty, she undertook more thin her share of public appearances. She was shy, like all her sisters, but her natural friendliness made her want to say pleasant things to people. She became much better known than her cleverer elder sister, as she took more trouble about the people she met.

~ Sophie Buxhoeveden

Our French tutor, Pierre Gilliard, wrote of us:

"Tatiana was rather reserved, essentially well balanced, and had a will of her own, though she was less frank and spontaneous than her elder sister. She was not so gifted, either, but this inferiority was compensated by more perseverance and balance. She was pretty, though she had not quite Olga Nikolaievna's charm. If the Tsarina made any difference between her children, Tatiana Nikolaievna was her favourite. It was not that her sisters loved their mother any less, but Tatiana knew how to surround her with unwearing attentions and she never gave way to her own capricious impulses. Through her good looks and her art of self-assertion she put her sister Olga in the shade in public, as the latter, thoughtless about herself, seemed to take a back seat. Yet the two sisters were passionately devoted to each other. There was only eighteen months between them, and that in itself was a bond of union."

Certainly, I have serious and earnest facets to my personality. But I've had my silly moments, as well:

One day Princess Ella (her cousin) and Tatiana were wonderfully busy and mysterious, running in and out of the rooms, and exploding into laughter every now and then. In the evening after they were in bed Tatiana took from under her pillow a little box which dear cousin Ella had prepared for her. This contained some little colored stones which they had picked out of the gravel the day before, some bits of matches, luminous ends, or course, the sand-paper off a match box, and some tissue paper. This is a toy which they had prepared. After Tatiana was in bed, if she felt lonely she was to sit up in bed, light a match upon the sand paper, set fire to the tissue paper, and by its light to play with the stones. Well, of course, that could not be allowed, and the poor little Princess was overwhelmed when I explained to her that they might all have been burned in their beds.

~ Miss M. Eager, our nanny in the early years

Though some teasing and joking has been known to annoy me, I like a good giggle as much as anyone. Once, when we'd heard that our cousin Grand Duke Ioann Konstantinovich was going to Marry Yelena of Serbia, I joked to my Aunt Olga Aleksandrovna,

Perhaps you know that Ioanchik is engaged to Yelena of Serbia, it is so touching. How funny if they might have children, can they be kissing him? What foul fie!

In looks and manner, I resemble my Mama most. My mother's friend Lili Dehn writes of my "cameo-like profile...," calling me "A lovely rose maiden, fragile and pure as a flower." Baroness Sophie Buxhoeveden, another friend of Mama's, recalls,

She was taller even than the Empress, but she was so slight and well-proportioned that her great height was not remarkable. She had fine, regular features, recalling pictures of ancestresses who had been famous beauties.

I was considered very elegant and beautiful back then, with my aristocratic features, willowy frame, and long dark hair. Unfortunately for me, I had to have my head shaved twice; the first time was 1913, when during the Romanov Tercentenary celebrations in Sankt Pyotersburg, I drank contaminated orangeade and contracted Typhoid. The second time was in 1917, when I, like my siblings, came down with the measles. Both times, the medicines I took caused my hair to fall out, so my mother had my hair chopped down to facilitate even growth. Mama and I are actually very close, and understand eachother well. I always try to be selfless when it comes to Mama, Papa, my siblings, and my people. When Mama cannot make headway with any of my sisters, she'll come to me as a last resort. And when she needed help caring for my brother, I would always jump to assist her. I don't like to argue, which Mama appreciates, but rather attempt to persuade with smooth logic and my fine speaking abilities.

Once, after I had been bad, I wrote this very sincere apology to my Mama:

"I know it is very bad of me to be so horrid with you my dear Mama, Tatiana as a girl but really, really my sweet one I will try and be as good as I can and never tire you and always listen to every word you will tell me. Forgive me deary. Write to me please a word only that you forgive me and then I can go and sleep with a clear conscience."

Lili Dehn wrote of Mama and I:

"With her, as with her mother, shyness and reserve were accounted as pride, but, once you knew her and had gained her affection, this reserve disappeared, and the real Tatiana became apparent. She was a poetical creature, always yearning for the ideal, and dreaming of great friendships which might be hers."

Family friend Anya Virubova wrote of me:

"Tatiana was almost a perfect reincarnation of her mother. Taller and slenderer than her sisters, she had the soft, refined features and the gentle, reserved manners of her English ancestry. Kindly and sympathetic of disposition, she displayed towards her younger sisters and her brother such a protecting spirit that they, in fun, nicknamed her "the governess." Of all the Grand Duchesses Tatiana was with the people the most popular, and I suspect in their hearts she was the most dearly loved of her parents. Certainly she was a different type from the others even in appearance, her hair being a rich brown and her eyes so darkly gray that in the evening they seemed quite black. Of all the girls Tatiana was most social in her tastes. She liked society and she longed pathetically for friends. But friends for these high born but unfortunate girls were very difficult to find. The Empress dreaded for her daughters the companionship of oversophisticated young women of the aristocracy, whose minds, even in the schoolroom, were fed with the foolish and often vicious gossip of a decadent society. The Empress even discouraged association with cousins and near relatives, many of whom were unwholesomely precocious in their outlook on life."

I'm a very religious person, and enjoy pondering abstract ideas. My ideals have often been called poetic and spiritual, and I have often copied down and composed my own religious maxims, poems, and other writings:

"God's Blessing And His Words Upon Us.
Why, seeing an orthodox cemetery, do we begin to feel dull at heart?
Because life on earth is bustle, we've never striven against the desires,
We've served our flesh and have cared for idle comfort, in spite and slander.
And why, standing by the shrine of pious people, do we feel contented?
Because their life was sacrifice; as Christ suffered and after His suffering
There was Easter.
Thus a pious person endures spite and persecution."

1914 was a turning point in all of our lives. Russia went to war, and I - along with Mama, Olishka, and other relatives - went to work as a Red Cross nurse. We worked hard throughout the war, and experienced firsthand the horrors of caring for the wounded. While I was repulsed at times, I never lost my nerve - I completed my duties as best I possibly could. Anna Virubova wrote of my service, "Tatiana was almost as skillful and quite as devoted as her mother, and complained only that on account of her youth she was spared some of the more trying cases." On August 7, 1915, I expressed some of my frustrations in a letter to my mother, whom I wished we could spend more time with away from the hostpital:

Mama darling mine,Please give Ania this photo of [?] I did at Krasnoe during the review. I'm sure she will be very pleased that he is here. Mama sweet, I am so awfully sad. I see so little of you. I hate going away for so long. Really, we never see you now. It doesn't matter if sisters go earlier to bed - I'll remain. For me it is better to sleep less and see more of you, my beloved one. God bless you, deary. 1000 kisses to you and Papa dear.Your own true loving child,Tatiana

Nursing was not the only work into which I threw myself during the war. Due to the huge number of refugees pouring into Russia, I formed a committee dedicated to the cause. And when my family travelled throughout southern Russia in 1915-1916, I brought lots of clothes with us to distribute on our journey.

The "Refugee Committee " which had been formed by the Grand Duchess Tatiana became almost a department of State. The Committee was directed by Alexei Borrissovich Neidhard, a member of the Conseil de I'Empire, while members of the Duma, of the Conseil de l'Empire, and of the Union of Towns and Zemstvos belonged to it. The young Grand Duchess took the greatest interest in it and, young though she was, had quantities of papers sent her every day, which she went over with her mother's help, making notes and writing her decisions. The housing, feeding and general welfare of refugees all over Russia were in the hands of the Committee, the budget of which rose rapidly to several millions of roubles. The money was at first raised by private subscriptions, but the department was eventually financed by the Government. This Committee continued to work after the Revolution of 1917 under the Kerensky Government.

~ Sophie Buxhoeveden

Already a very spiritual person, the experience of war - and later, captivity - deepened my religious committments and my faith in God. Once under house arrest at Tsarskoe Selo in 1917, I would try to comfort my family as best I could. I would often sit with my father in the evenings, listening to him read, or helping him sort his books and photographs.